You can see that one way, shining brightly while everything else is dipped in darkness. Your body takes you there and you go with it. You are strolling by your own self admiring the beauty of the lights; you believe that there is something here, something deep. Something that can get you to the answers that you need, something that can solve your mysteries. You keep strolling ahead, looking in all directions. You are mesmerized by the beauty, you cannot decipher what it actually is but you are finding yourself being so deeply attracted to it. You wait for a while, just to take all of it in and then it all starts getting dark, and that’s when your conscience pokes you out of nowhere and asks you the questions you fear the most, It questions your motives, your rationale and your sanity.
You float inside your own self in search of some answers but no, you find nothing, you are just lost. You are losing the battle with your conscience. It’s laughing on you, loud and clear. You can hear it but you cannot bear it. You hold on both of your ears tight just to avoid the cacophony, but you are failing miserably. You get on your knees shouting out to yourself begging for answers, you need to know what made you come here, what is this place and how will go back. You keep shouting louder and louder but the laughter still lingers inside your ear drums. You are trying your best to get a laconic reply; your mind is fully occupied thinking various possibilities in amid of the song possibilities. You shout at your thoughts for recalling the song lyrics at this point of time, but they are involuntary.
You try to calm your senses, you breathe in and out. Calming sensation eases you a bit; you loosen your hold from your ears. The laughter is still there but the intensity is quite low, you can bear it. You smile at this thought faintly and get up, you look around. It is dark; the lights are so dim now! Your perspicacity pushes you forward just to knows what’s this place and beyond. You keep walking; all your senses are highly enlightened, highly circumspect. You are panting, blood is rushing through your veins, and you can feel its warmth. You close your eyes and try to soothe yourself, making yourself believe that you won’t let anything wrong happen to you and you move ahead. Your legs are moving in a sync, you can hear the click clack of your shoes forming a musical rhythm. Your mind is processing so many things at a time, so many questions are erupting. Your conscience is making you realize your mistake, you are understanding it but not regretting it because you know, that you will find a way out. Everything has a way out; there is no full stop to life until and unless you put it there. You fuel up the faith that you have in yourself and then, you feel a sense of pleasure.
You raise your head and hold it up high and you start walking fast, you start looking around in all directions. Your adrenaline is rushing, you can feel it. You can even see yourself coming out of this mess successfully, you keep moving ahead even if your body is giving up and then, really far-off of somewhere you see a light twinkling. You can feel your lips twitching upwards at that moment, all your energy is restored. You know that you can achieve this milestone. You can and you will, you keep walking. You have your eyes glued there, it is getting closer, and you can see it getting bigger and bigger after your each step.
No sooner, you are there, you can see your world. You can see where you belong right in front of your eyes and that’s when you know that EVERYTHING WAS WORTH IT.
I can see you right there, calling my name aloud, I thought I will never find you. I was lost in that maze, the maze of suffering, misery and pain. It was a trap you know, a trap which I needed to overcome before reaching you. It seemed impossible but impossible is not real right? Only difficult is real, but it certainly helped me to push myself to my full potentials. It gave me a head start. Only if, it would have been a plain sailing path, it wouldn’t have made you worth it. You would be something far more inferior and possibly something which I wouldn’t desire.
Now that I ponder upon it, I feel that the path was much more valuable than the destination. It gave me so much, it changed me so much. I open my eyes and I feel the difference in my vision, I see my strength and my weaknesses. I itch to polish the former and overcome the latter. The journey itself ended up being the triumph of you, but your attainment did motivate me to attain more and more.
I need to go back into that maze just to search other possibilities and options. Just to see what is beyond you. I want to explore everything, just to find what is right for me and what will perfectly fit the puzzle of my life. You surprisingly made me gain even more energy to strive inside the maze; you equipped me with something more powerful than any arms or ammunition that is experience, knowledge and stability. Tomorrow if I fall, I will know that I will have you right there to support me. I can get back to you whenever I want just because I strived to get you. You are now a part of me. You are nothing but me, my inner self, my intuition and my perception. 🙂
Today, I am writing about something which I personally feel should go viral, so viral that everybody knows about it. It should be appreciated and encouraged to such an extent that every district in our country starts adopting it and implementing it. It might just change the whole law and order scenario of our country.
There is this small district in Telangana named Adilabad; it consists of 1600 villages and 866 gram panchayats. Adilabad police has initiated a simple effort to become more accessible to general public to improve the quality of policing in the backward tribal districts known for the reluctance of people in contacting police even in dire situations. Every village in the district now has the phone numbers of the police officers concerned displayed prominently on the walls of the gram panchayat building or a house close to the village square. This saves considerable amount time and energy of the people to get in touch with the law enforcers as almost every family now owns a mobile phone and almost the entire area has good mobile connectivity despite the hilly terrain.
To improve the relation between the people and the police, a constable has been earmarked to individual habitations as a Village Police Officer (VPO). It is the duty of the VPO to periodically visit the villages under his jurisdiction and interact with locals to learn about their problems besides collecting information on the general crimes. The periodicity of the visit will depend upon the distance of given villages from the nearest police station. This approach will keep the police abreast of the issues in the villages.
They are calling this a Welcome Initiative, “Aao apni Takleefe batao”. This initiative was launched almost a month ago named “Police for you” and it is giving out successful results. The people of Adilabad are feeling much more secured. The crime rates have also fallen down to a considerable level.
Adilabad’s Superintended of Police observes this as an idea to instill confidence among the poor people living in far flung villages that help is in hand.Another police officer says that they are even requesting the villagers to inform them all their problems even those which are not directly their concerns as they believe that it will help them to sensitize towards the people of their district.
After reading this, I know, something titillated inside you. What if such an initiative is taken by all the police departments of our country, what a considerable change it will make. Our reluctance to approach police will be gone, we will rather be encouraged to go and register complaints. Innumerable cases of rape, theft, violence etc are not reported in our country because of which the crime curve is always an upward sloping one, If such an environment is created by the police force we will definitely feel much more safe and sound as this will in some way or the other inflict fear in the minds of the crime doers and eventually, the overall crime rate will fall.
Surprisingly, nothing grand is required for this, just responsible policemen and citizens. I wholeheartedly salute Adilabad police force. I want this to be shared and made viral. Sorrowfully, this news was published in The Hindu newspapers distinct column on the behind pages; it somehow surprised me; it should have rather been on the first page with highlighted statements. If such revolutionary news is not shared enough, how will people come to know? How will they realize that amidst the ocean of bad something good is also happening? Media seriously needs to recheck it’s priorities. It is not always about populism, there is always something more.
Being somebody who likes to be independent is not easy, certainly not easy. Your life is a constant battle between letting yourself fall and holding yourself up strong. There are phases when you feel low, you need somebody to hold your hand and make you believe that everything will be alright but then, during those phases, your pride also pokes its nose in and makes you realize that YOU’RE A STRONG INDEPENDENT PERSON AND YOU DON’T NEED ANYBODY ELSE FOR SUPPORT. Sounds quite a lot right? After all, taking support for once isn’t anything wrong; it will obviously not make you dependent, but in reality, that’s how it feels.
Envisioning the interior of such a person will be overly in contrast with the exterior. The exterior will reflect confidence, their speech will be molded with motivation and their smile will never show any hint of anxiousness but when you dip inside, you will see their fear and their loneliness, fear of being dependent on somebody either emotionally or physically and loneliness because they just cannot give themselves to anybody, It’s either them or nobody for them. Their pride is in being self-sufficient.
The do-it-yourself attitude that they carry makes it perhaps difficult for them to ask for help or for any solutions. It acts like a barrier in their overall growth and development as a person. They cannot fully enjoy the pleasures that the social world delivers as they are way too occupied in trying to fulfill everything themselves. Possibly, this might be the reason why you will rarely see such people sharing their problems or talking their heart out in relation to their feelings and emotions. They fear doing so and it makes them somehow socially handicapped not as a gauche though. We can call them introverts who socialize as extroverts.
They have their counter-factual thinking mostly triggered; they keep questioning themselves that What if? I let myself go and nobody is there to handle and hence, they suffer from trust issues as well, major trust issues in fact. They fail to realize that it’s better to have a life full of ‘Oh wells’ rather than ‘what ifs’.
During those low phases of life, they tend to try and ignore those feelings and focus all of their attention to their goals, the goals that they want to achieve independently. They try to seek motivation from trivial actions of others and eventually they cope up. Though somewhere deep within they feel emptiness, where they crave social relations and understandings. They envy people who can easily open up and are dependent on others at least emotionally.
Never the less, they are a bunch of strong people who strive hard to achieve their maximum potentials and if life works up in their favor, they too certainly find someone to rely upon on. 🙂
After going through my big fat psychology textbook for few long hours, I took a break. I was so full of it. All I needed was a leisure time; I just wanted to adore the surprising February weather.
Lazily, I went and sat on my window sill looking outside and taking in all the little details. There were these group of boys, maybe around 11-12 years old, busy playing basketball in the congested building lot. My eyes were continuously darting on the movement of the ball, how it was bouncing and how those kids were dribbling it. It was worth a sight and that it when I started wondering what it will be like to be a basketball.
It would be a fun experience indeed. Every single thing I did would affect everyone. As many people as I made happy I’d be making equal amounts upset. I wouldn’t just be making shot for Team A, but be putting team B behind as well. There would be no way to please everybody.
Not to mention, I would have no control over myself. Everyone would have a say in where I went but me, I’d be bounced from person to person, rebounding off the floor without anyone so much as thinking about my feelings. Everything would revolve around the goals of whose hands I was in.
I would be helpless and hopeless at the same time.
Ironically, then again, maybe it would be better for me not making any of my own decision; I wouldn’t have to worry about where I ended up or who I was disappointing. All of my actions would be in the hand of somebody else. I would have no control, its true but I wouldn’t be able to blame either. I would be able to just go along for the ride and hope for the best.
But would that really solve anything? Where would I be if someone else got to decide my actions? Will it even be me? Will my existence even count then?
I doubt so, perhaps, how appealing it may sound but our accountability to our actions makes us who we are, we can never leave it behind. We need to carry it and make sure that our actions be something that we wouldn’t regret on later.
There are times when I cannot stop channelizing my flow of thoughts, so precisely for those times I made up this blog!
Also, To improve my language and writing skills. :p