Will this ever end?

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So, we are back at it? That too after so long…

I thought I got over you way back, dumped you somewhere in the distant past, but you had to come again right, after all, you can’t see me living without a tinge of you, can you?

Your existence has in a way poisoned my existence; it has cut deep bruises inside, the kind of bruise which is invisible but livid and any day more painful than any other gigantic hideous bruise. I don’t get it, I just don’t understand, why do you have to keep resurfacing always? Why do you have to over analyze my actions or criticize me till I feel useless, why?

Why do you have to pounce upon me on every weakness? Why can’t you just let it be for once, accept me the way I am or just simply go away. I loathe your presence around me; I don’t like how I get when you are with me. You play with my mind; you channelize my actions and my flow of thought. You make me feel like an imposter in my own body.

I always feel myself being withheld and being judged when you cloud me. You bring me in this position always, you are scared to let me live and to let me be free. You always capture me when I am going to do something new just to laugh at my abilities. I don’t remember a single time when you have appreciated me, when you gave me a push and a blessing to do something good.

I remember conquering you and bidding you goodbye, but then, you still came back, you keep coming at every opportunity you get, I just don’t get it, will you ever go? I have tried so hard to get rid of you fully and completely. I even succeeded in the past months but here you came back again, just at this one opportunity of weakness and kept reprimanding me for the actions I’ve done all my life.

When I think of you and me together, all I imagine is walking into dark cold forest trying to find me, looking here and there to find something familiar, and then suddenly, there is no ground beneath me and I fall. I fall deep, deep down, I land hard on the damp soil and I can’t see a thing and I am helplessly kicking my legs trying to get out of it or get a grip but I cannot. I’m just lost yet again in this well of suffering, misery, and pain,

And the only question I keep asking myself is,
Will this ever end?

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