Paranoid or Just cautious?

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I have always believed in the random acts of kindness. They are something far stronger and can do more for the human race than religion and politics combined but then sadly, it was me, who couldn’t appreciate an act of kindness today. It was really shallow on my part. My reaction to the action was based on popular prejudices and assumptions. I wouldn’t call it my mistake though but I would like to apologize to the person whose kindness was blatantly ignored by me.

It was an hour before dawn, when I left for college, like any other day, I was walking to the bus stop through a deserted ground enjoying the morning stillness and the cool breeze. When I reached the end of the ground, a man was walking towards me adjusting his Lungi and then he murmured something incoherent. I didn’t even bother listening to him and ran past him, as fast as I could towards the main road and then I looked behind. The man was still standing there looking at me, this alarmed me even more and I ran further ahead in an area well lit with few people here and there. This time again I looked back and saw him walking towards me, Though he was at a distance I ran towards the bus stop but then one car stopped besides me and said, that you have dropped your card behind and some man is coming to give it to you. I was confused. I checked my bag, all chains were closed, there was no possibility for any card to fall, but then I checked my pocket and my smart card was missing. So I took two steps towards that man, but too scared to move any forward, I turned my back and started walking towards the bus stop. The car driver then came and handed me my card, I murmured thank you to him and he pointed towards the man who was not visible as he stood behind the car, but I couldn’t thank him as my bus had arrived and also, maybe because I was somehow scared and ashamed. I got in my bus and left.

The whole bus ride, I couldn’t stop thinking about the incident. I couldn’t stop thinking about my unusual behavior. Why did I run by just finding myself with a random man in a deserted route? The female inside me finds the answer to be obvious but the human inside me is criticizing me for judging someone on the basis of societal assumptions and notions. I could have just listened to what he had to say which was possibly along the lines, “Your card has fallen down.” But my paranoia forced me to assume that he was commenting something nasty or singing some substandard song or that he would just grope me there in the dark. There were so many thoughts erupting which I cannot comprehend here.

I was terrified, that moment lasted only for few seconds, but it was the most scared I have ever been in my life and amusingly it was nothing, he was just a kind man trying to help a random stranger. En-route my journey to college, I was trying to empathize with the man, imagining how humiliated he must have felt seeing me run so badly and I couldn’t help but sympathize with all those men who are accused because of some. Also, I was trying to understand the immeasurable amount of torture a girl goes through when something really happens with her. Nothing happened with me, but it felt so many things, what will one feel when something actually happens with them. The mere thought is more than enough to make me shiver due to immense fear.

I don’t even know if I can do justice to the thoughts in my mind through this post because they are so deep and so raw. They are disturbing in fact. They are still debating between my paranoia and cautiousness.
In the end, I would just like to thank that man and wish that someday this world will be a better place to live where such incidences would bring appreciations rather than humiliations.

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15 thoughts on “Paranoid or Just cautious?

    Erika Kind said:
    December 4, 2015 at 5:01 pm

    It is an amazing story, Preeti! Thank you for sharing this incidence with us. I understand your feelings of shame and perhaps the wish to go back in time and act differently. But in that moment you acted ok. Unfortunately there is danger around and everybody understands that you were scared, I think I would have been too. So, thank you for sharing and spreading awareness to maybe just look and listen a little closer. In the end this man made you realize that.

    Liked by 1 person

      preetixd responded:
      December 6, 2015 at 6:57 am

      Thankyou so much for the appreciation mam 🙂 He actually made me realize so many things. He was determined to prove my assumptions wrong that is why he came all the way behind me to return my card. May god bless him always 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

        Erika Kind said:
        December 6, 2015 at 10:01 am

        It is good to see it that way, Preeti. He was not meant to bring back your card, but to teach you something different…. an angel who appears, gives you that insight, and disappears again…

        Liked by 1 person

        preetixd responded:
        December 7, 2015 at 3:57 pm

        Yes! One of the many angels on this earth 🙂

        Like

        preetixd responded:
        December 7, 2015 at 3:57 pm

        Even you teach me many things 🙂 ❤

        Like

    Bobby said:
    December 8, 2015 at 4:59 am

    A beautiful experience i would say coz it teaches you something.. It was not your fault for acting the way you did when you saw that stranger on that lane, Any girl would have done that.. The kind of society we live in there is no trust anymore so we generalise.. But in the end there r few good beings 🙂 take care

    Liked by 2 people

      preetixd responded:
      December 10, 2015 at 2:48 pm

      I agree, it taught me a lot. You are right, maybe, I would act the same if such an incidence happens again, just maybe. I will never know until and unless I experience that kind of fear again.

      Liked by 1 person

        Bobby said:
        December 10, 2015 at 7:00 pm

        I wish no1 has to go through this.. Anyways stay blessed and take care 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

        preetixd responded:
        December 14, 2015 at 3:21 pm

        Same here! tc! 🙂

        Like

    BunKaryudo said:
    December 25, 2015 at 6:30 am

    The fellow was very kind and I do feel sorry for him. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s very surprising that a young woman in a dark street would feel afraid when approached by an unknown man. It’s sad, but bad things can happen, so they are understandably cautious.

    Liked by 1 person

      preetixd responded:
      January 1, 2016 at 3:09 pm

      I know, even I felt really bad after the incident but even I was helpless then. I wish I could go back in time to change my actions.

      Liked by 1 person

        BunKaryudo said:
        January 1, 2016 at 3:22 pm

        Well, I suppose an action is never really wasted — even if we later think it was the wrong action — as long as we learn from it. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        preetixd responded:
        January 2, 2016 at 6:41 am

        I totally agree with you 🙂 Every action does teach us something.

        Liked by 1 person

    Kally said:
    January 27, 2016 at 10:07 am

    Thank you for following me and I love how creative you are and the wonderful posts. I’ll be back to read more of it!!

    Liked by 1 person

      preetixd responded:
      February 2, 2016 at 2:12 pm

      Its such a pleasure to be your acquaintance and thankyou so much! Do visit again 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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